


one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright)

by TheLonelyJournalKeeper



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Apologies, Canon Compliant, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, Gentle Kissing, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Post-Episode: s06e19 I Am My Monster, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Spoilers for Episode s06e19 I Am My Monster, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23388871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLonelyJournalKeeper/pseuds/TheLonelyJournalKeeper
Summary: Steven's back to his old self, and he and his family have a lot to talk about.
Relationships: Amethyst & Garnet & Pearl & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe
Comments: 24
Kudos: 226





	one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright)

He lets Connie ferry him back to shore on Lion’s back, seated in front of her with her arms wrapped tight around him. His memories of what happened are fuzzy, but he doesn’t try to put the pieces back together right now. There will be time for that later. Right now he wants to focus on the peculiar lightness that fills his head, the sense of complete relief and utter exhaustion that fills him. 

They’ve seen him at his worst—his friends, his family, the love of his life. He hit complete rock bottom. And they’re still here. He remembers bits and pieces—words of love and reassurance. If he thinks about them for too long, he’s liable to start crying again, and he isn’t sure he has any water left in him at this point. 

They reach the shore, and Connie helps him off of Lion, reaching out to grab him as he trembles on unsteady legs. He leans on her, grateful for her support. 

He’s distantly aware that the Cluster has returned once more into the planet’s core, and that the Diamonds, seemingly content that all is well with Steven now, have begun boarding their ship alongside Spinel with the intent to return to Homeworld. 

The Gems—his gems, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl—are talking to the others—Lapis, Peridot, and Bismuth—about something, but he can’t really make it out as Greg comes up alongside him and Connie and gently shepherds the both of them into the house. 

He lets them. The tension is gone now. They’ve seen the full extent of his brokenness. _He’s_ seen the full extent of his brokenness. Maybe now, things can start to get better. Maybe now, he can start to put the pieces back together. 

The thing about hitting rock bottom is there’s really no place to go but up. 

Connie guides Steven to the couch and sits him down on it. She takes a seat beside him, saying without words that he can continue to lean on her for as long as he needs it. And right now, he needs it. 

“You guys want hot cocoa or something?” Greg asks. 

“Yes, please,” says Connie. She wraps her arm around Steven and gently runs her fingers up and down his upper arm where it rests at his side. He shivers and closes his eyes. He’s not really sure if he deserves such a gentle touch, but if it’s freely given, who is he to say no? 

“Steven?” his dad asks, pressing gently. 

“Mm.” Steven nods. His eyes flicker back open. “I would like some too,” he says softly. 

“Coming right up!” says Greg. He starts bustling around in the kitchen. The sound is strangely comforting. 

Connie looks at him and whispers. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I-I’m glad you are. I could’ve hurt you,” he says, wide-eyed. 

“You didn’t,” she says. “And from now on, things are going to get better.” 

He takes a big, shaky breath. “Y-yeah?” 

“Yeah,” she says with a gentle smile. She gives him a quick reassuring squeeze, and he’s never been one to argue with Connie so he smiles too. 

The door swings open, jerking Steven out of this rare moment of peace as he turns his head to look at the Gems who have come through the door—Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet. 

“We told Bismuth and the others to head back to Little Homeworld for now,” says Pearl as she strides across the house to stand in the middle of the living room. “Steven can talk to them when he’s ready.” 

“If he wants to,” puts in Garnet. 

Greg sets two mugs on hot chocolate down in front of Steven and Connie. “Thanks, guys,” he says. “I think that’s probably for the best.” 

“Hey Ste-man,” says Amethyst. “You okay with all of us being here, or do you want some space?” 

He takes a moment to respond, taking a big sip of his hot chocolate. “You can stay,” he says. “I-I don’t really want to be alone.” 

“Then we’ll stay,” says Garnet. She sits down abruptly on the floor, crossing her legs beneath her. 

“If I may,” says Pearl, “I have a question.” 

“Okay,” he says. 

“What were you doing in the hospital?” She purses her lips with concern. 

“Hey, yeah!” says Amethyst from where she’s rooting through the cupboards in search of a snack. She retrieves a can of beans and swallows the thing whole without opening it. “That’s a good question!” 

Steven wilts against Connie’s side, like one of his neglected plants. He looks at her pleadingly. 

She takes his cue. “I suggested Steven see a doctor when I noticed him going pink and swelling up. He took my advice and went to see my mom at her hospital.” 

“Oh,” says Pearl. “Well, what did she say?” To Steven’s knowledge, Pearl doesn’t have much faith in human scientists, but after what has just happened, she seems ready to accept anything. 

Greg picks up the thread. “I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but I—I didn’t know how to. Dr. Maheswaran said she thinks Steven has something called PTSD—post traumatic stress disorder.” 

Steven closes his eyes and buries his face in the crook of Connie’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to talk about this. He already knows there’s something wrong with him. The fact that it has a name doesn’t make him feel much better. 

“Hey,” says Connie. Her voice is quiet in his ear. “It’s okay. They want to help.” 

He lets out a deep breath. She’s right of course. 

“Isn’t that something soldiers get?” Amethyst says.

“Well, Steven has been in a lot of combat,” Garnet says. 

“Amethyst! Garnet!” Pearl chastises them. “Allow Greg to explain!” 

“Well, sometimes, Amethyst. But really, it can happen to anybody who’s been through a traumatic experience, and it can be especially hard on someone young like Steven because his brain is still developing. He’s been in so many life or death situations that now his body thinks it should respond to ordinary stressful situations like his life is in danger. Am I explaining that right, Steven?” Greg turns to look at him. 

Steven nods. “Um, yeah. Th-that’s where all of the pink is coming from, according to Dr. Maheswaran. She said it’s like a defense mechanism.”

“That makes sense,” says Garnet. “It makes you becomes bigger, stronger, faster. If you were actually in danger, it could save your life. When you’re not in danger though, you just wreak havoc on the furniture.” 

Steven laughs weakly. He appreciates her making a joke. At least, he thinks it was a joke. 

Pearl clasps her hands over her mouth. “Oh, but that means, we were only making it worse! When you turned pink and we confronted you about it, we just made you feel more like your life was in danger!” 

“I-It’s okay…” he mumbles. 

“No, it’s not okay!” Pearl cries. “You needed us, and we—we failed you. I’m… I’m sorry, Steven.” She bows her head. 

“Aw, Pearl.” 

“I concur,” says Garnet. “We should’ve been there for you the ways you’ve always been there for us.” 

“Yeah, I’m real sorry, Steven!” Amethyst says. 

“I’m sorry too,” says Greg. “I’m not sure how much you heard when you were uh, not yourself, but I’m sorry I haven’t always been the best dad to you. I’m going to try and do better in the future.” 

“Thanks, you guys,” Steven says, and maybe drinking the hot chocolate put some water back into him because he feels a fresh well of tears land on his cheeks. 

“Oh, I’m just so glad you’re okay!” Pearl sighs. She stands and starts picking up the house which is something of a lost cause. Most of the house is on the floor. “I’ve never _been_ so worried!” 

“Well, Pearl seems to be okay,” Amethyst mutters. 

Steven gives a watery chuckle from where he rests on Connie’s shoulder. She gives his hand a quick squeeze and says, “What are you guys going to do for Steven moving forward?” 

Steven startles and removes his head from her shoulder to look at her. 

“What?” she says. “We all care about you, and we want to help you. You don’t have to struggle on your own anymore.” 

He thinks about that. He thinks about hitting rock bottom and finding all of them standing over him when he wakes up. He thinks maybe she’s right and things can be different now. 

He nods, slowly, and says, “Thanks.” 

“Well, I was talking to Dr. Maheswaran, and I was thinking, if it’s okay, Steven, that maybe you should see a therapist about this.” 

“What?” he says, flashing a violent pink. His heart rate skyrockets until Connie pulls him close and calms him down. 

“I think it could be helpful to you, Steven,” she says. 

“You… you do?” 

“There’s nothing wrong with seeking help, Steven, and when the people around you can’t give you the help you need, it’s always okay to see out professional help. You’ve been through a lot of really tough things. It’s understandable that you could use some help dealing with that.” 

He closes his eyes and lets the fragmented pieces of his memory wash over him, shuddering. “Okay,” he says. “I don’t ever want… _that_ to happen again.” 

“We won’t let it, man,” says Amethyst. “From here on out, we got your back.” 

He looks out at each of the faces of his family in turn—Amethyst, Garnet, Pearl, his dad, and they each nod resolutely. There is nothing but love and reassurance on their faces—no fear, no anger, no recrimination or hurt. 

And it feels… surprisingly nice, to let himself be loved and reassured. He had so feared being a burden or being despised when his family found out the truth about him—that he wasn’t so perfect, that he was in fact very hurt and angry. But he feels surprisingly okay, curled up against Connie on the couch with the rest of his family, having just cried more than he is sure he has ever cried before in his life. He hopes he will never have to cry that much again. 

“Is there anything we can do for you now?” Pearl asks. 

Steven thinks about it. “Right now… I just want to sleep. I’m really tired.” 

“Yes, well, I imagine you would be,” says Pearl. 

“Alright then,” says Greg. “We’ll get out of your hair. But you have to promise you’ll talk to one of us if you need anything, okay?” 

“I promise. I don’t think I’ll be making that mistake again any time soon,” he says with a shaky laugh. He doesn’t want to think about how much avoiding his feelings could’ve cost him. 

“I’m glad,” says Greg. 

Steven stands up. His legs are still shaky so Connie stands up too and steadies him and leads him up the stairs to his room. He is glad of it. He feels like his arms and legs are made of gelatin. 

“You must be exhausted,” Connie says to him. “A panic attack is the adrenal glands acting up, getting you ready to fight or run, but in your case, you actually did fight. It must’ve taken you a lot of power to do what you did.” 

Steven bites his lip and looks at the ground. The stairs turn into the floor of his bedroom. “I didn’t hurt anyone, did I?” 

“No, no,” Connie says hurriedly. “Everybody’s okay. I’m more worried about you than anyone else.” 

Steven lets out a deep breath and collapses on his bed with a quiet moan. He crawls under the covers and rolls onto his side to look at her. “Do you… do you need to go home soon?” 

Connie pauses. “Not if you need me to stay,” she says softly. 

“Stay,” he says. “Please?” 

She nods and crawls underneath the covers to lay down beside him. He lets out a sigh from somewhere deep inside his ribcage as he feels the warmth of her a few inches away. 

“Thank you,” he breathes. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” 

“I’ll be here,” she says and reaches out a hand to brush the hair from his forehead. “For as long as you need me.” 

He laughs quietly. “Then you’ll never get to leave.” 

“I’m okay with that,” she says. She kisses him gently on the cheek. “Now get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbles. His eyes are already falling closed, and within a few moments, he’s fast asleep. For the first time in months, his sleep is peaceful and dreamless. 


End file.
